This update has been a long time coming; While the Man Break was slated to end on the Autumnal Equinox (it officially began on the Summer Solstice–yeah, I got witchy about it), it finished a little prematurely.

Because Hawaii.

Still, I got what I needed out of spending the better part of Summer intentionally not dating.

In a big way: Allowing.

• Allowing myself to be bratty & snobby & like no one will ever be good enough
• Allowing myself to feel sad & lonely & for everyone to go away
• Allowing for unworthiness & like I’ll never be good enough
• Allowing myself to want attention & deep intimacy
• Allowing myself to slip up and dancefloor-makeout to Massive Attack
• Allowing the unfoldment & connections happen when they felt integrated, nourishing, and I wanted them.

There is incredible freedom in not trying to hold it together for anyone, to let the feeling move through even though you know it’s not really true, to allow the story to finally play out so you can close the book.

An interesting play of so many facets of ourselves happens when we are in relationships of any kind: The part of us that craves closeness & comfort, and the part that desires freedom & space.

This is a classic interplay of the Feminine and Masculine; the Feminine wants the safety of intimacy while the Masculine wants the safety of Space. This plays out in our relationships with others AND WITHIN OUR SELVES. 

It is easy for me to take a break from closeness because that is where I feel most safe–with space.

It is difficult to take a break from closeness because it is an intrinsic part of my nature–I feel most alive and connected when I am in an intimate context with another.

Maybe it’s the opposite for you. Or the same.

Reconciling these opposing & complementary elements within ourselves is the key to cultivating the self-care, self-love, acceptance & forgiveness we all crave AND informs our relationships as we enter them from a balanced and integrated place–instead of from a place wanting someone to provide something we think we do not have alone.

The key is to celebrate these seemingly contradictory aspects of ourselves. We can LOVE  our adventurous, independent & insatiably wandering in sovereignty. We can ADORE our desire for comfort, closeness and bonding.

At our most integrated, it is our nature to share, to be of service, to support & hold & connect. From aligned relationship of any kind, we ourselves are supported in our own essences, celebrated & complemented by those we surround ourselves with.

With dating, this still applies:

Go with your intuition. Your next partner will not need convincing–and will not need to convince you–of anything.

Discern what you want. Even for the evening (and continue to check in with your body. What is most nourishing can change moment to moment). In a broader context: If you are open to a committed partnership, don’t fuck with someone who just wants sex. If you just want sex (which is also an awesome place to be), don’t fuck with someone who is clear they want commitment.

Be communicative, open & expressive. This includes when you’re NOT interested, or DON’T feel the vibes. When you do feel the feels, throw caution to the wind. Lean in. There is nothing passion-inducing about a tepid, play-it-cool lover; the days of the Toxic Feminine Affection-Withholding Game are long-gone. If someone ignites you, it is a form of Worship to yourself and the Other to express your Delight. Go with it.

Wander in Wholeness. Enjoy your own company first, and only spend time with people who add to that enjoyment, not deplete it. If it doesn’t work out, know in the fibers of your being that there is something better in the works for you AND for the other person.

Most of all, having reverence for the astounding ability we have to delight in each other, to bring each other pleasure and be of service. To share.

That is my deepest desire: I love the life I have crafted for myself so dearly–my work, my play, my adventures–that I want good people to share it with. And whether I’m in a committed relationship or not, I have that–my friends, family, lovers, clients, acquaintances, strangers in the street.

Everything else is just whipped cream on top.