It took bowing out from dating to realize how much time it takes up.

Between the existential crisis of discarding humans with a single swipe or actually getting approached/approaching someone IRL (Do people really meet out in the wild anymore?), to the text exchange, to finally planning a hang out, there is so much effort and energy required.

Then there’s getting ready, getting to know this person, the sex, and all that goes into preparing & grooming for the romps.

Which isn’t to say the time spent is a bad thing–I love the thrill of getting to know a new potential intimate partner. I’ve also recently spoke with friends who hated dating–they’d to skip right to the snuggly, securely bonded part of the relationship than engage in all that wooing entails.

Now that I’m not exerting that effort and expending that time, I find myself with a lot of both.

I’ve had to actually figure out what to do when I’m not trying to fuck. So whether you find yourself in a Man Break like mine, or going through a dry spell, or just intentionally clearing your plate of The Busy, here are a few things I’m doing to make the most of this Space Creation.

Pleasure Practice

Just because you’re not getting busy with someone else, doesn’t mean you have to feel deprived or depleted from forgoing the D. (Or P. And everything in between.) Some of the best sex I have is with myself anyway, and there are so many ways to experience pleasure outside of your genitals. Instead of texting potential man-friends, I’ve taken to lying by a public pool and reading or listening to audiobooks (I’ve read more in the past month than I have in my adult life, by the by). Instead of swiping through Hinge, I have time to put on some music and move my body in luscious ways that make me feel like a wild jungle cat. Instead of going out, I have time to take a bath, put on one of those goofy sheet masks, and play with my Oracle cards. (Wild child here, right?)

Set your Space

Having a home space that is relatively clutter-free and feels grounding and cozy is essential to me (Cancer Moon & Rising, if you were wondering). Small things like making sure my plants are taken care of (also a pleasure practice!), keeping my closet organized, and other tidying up makes a huge difference. Also, making my space SUMPTUOUS: crisp sheets, lit candles or incense, cooking and having quality audiobooks or podcasts going while I’m at home add to how nourishing my hermiting down can be.

Fall in Love with Your Self

As overplayed as this may be, asking who I am outside of my habits and relationships has been a revelatory practice. What am I into? What Inspires me? When I have time, space and energy, what do I DO? I’ve loved my own company for years and years, but deeper inquiry has allowed me to expand my relationship with my thoughts, my reactions and my emotions.

We are constantly creating our Selves, our offerings, the altars of our Lives: Can we fall in love and be proud of what we are creating? How do we get there?

Get Really Clear on Your Intentions, Notice What This Time Brings Up

I’m actually really proud about this one: All the energy and time that had been caught up in FWB relationships, dating and swiping has been redirected into growing my private energetic bodywork practice. I’m seeing more clients than ever, making more money than I ever have, and flourishing creatively, with my studies in somatic sexological bodywork and tantra, and being fully resourced to move through some of the heavy stuff that’s coming up.

It’s never all good or all bad: While I’ve been able to expand in so many areas, it hasn’t been easy–I feel raw and hurt and vulnerable. There’s a lot of deep healing that’s happening on many levels: It feels like old scars being torn open and rehealing in a more integrated way.

This is the work: to constantly reinvent, reimagine and reveal the deepest places within ourselves in order to serve something so much larger.

With Courage and Infinite Compassion.